4 Elements of True Love

There are 4 elements that establish True Love. They are Loving kindness, Compassion, Joy and Equanimity. They are also known as the 4 Immeasurables.

Loving kindness is the capacity to bring happiness to ourselves and others. It is not a mere wish. It requires understanding others in such a way that one knows exactly how to give them happiness. This is also applicable to us. If we are capable of making ourselves happy, it will be easier for us to make others happy. When we make others suffer, it is not True Love.

Compassion is the capacity to transform sufferings. We need to first understand the nature of our sufferings before we can transform them. If we know how to help ourselves suffer less, it will be easier for us to help others do the same.

Joy is about knowing how to bring joy to ourselves and others. It can be experienced in every moment of our lives if we know how to nourish ourselves with feelings of peace and happiness. When we master this, we will be able to help others do likewise.

Equanimity is about non-discrimination, non-separation and inclusiveness. We recognize that the happiness, joy and sufferings of others are our happiness, joy and sufferings, and vice versa. We and others are no longer separate entities. We "inter-are".

Source: Teachings by Thay at Plum Village in Jul 2009

Beginning Anew

Beginning Anew is a simple but powerful healing practice that can help to resolve our unhappiness towards others as well as nourish our good feelings towards them.

It starts with showing or expressing our appreciation to a particular person. It is then followed by apologizing for any wrong doings that we have committed towards the person. It ends with seeking clarification on whether something has been done which has hurt the person. In this way, not only are misunderstandings clarified, mutual understanding will also increase.

Source: Teachings by Sister Chang Khong at Plum Village in Jul 2009

Non-discrimination and Inclusiveness

To understand non-discrimination and inclusiveness, let's consider how our right and left hand co-exist harmoniously and peacefully.

When our right hand is in pain, our left hand takes good care of it and vice versa. Our right hand does not say to our left hand, " Since I took care of you the last time, you must now take care of me."  Our right hand does not have superiority complex by having the thought that "I am the best" or "I am better than the left hand". Similarly, our left hand does not harbour inferiority complex. As there is no comparison between both hands, there is also no thoughts thinking "I am his equal".

In summary, our 2 hands are free from the 3 complexes: complex of superiority, inferiority and equality. As a result, harmony is perfected and peace and happiness prevail. When we take care of our right hand, we are also taking care of our left hand. Our left hand understands that our right hand has not been careful when it gets hurt. Not only does our left hand not become angry with our right hand, it does not blame our right hand by saying, "You are the cause of my suffering and I demand justice, so you should be punished."

Love where there is non-discrimination, inclusiveness and equanimity is True Love. When a person suffers, both suffer. When a person is happy, both are happy and this is True Love. It is no longer possible to attribute happiness to an individual. One's happiness is his/her happiness. His/her happiness is one's happiness. Similarly, one's suffering is his/her suffering. His/her suffering is one's suffering. This is True Love.

Source: Teachings by Thay at Plum Village in Jul 2009

Noble Silence

There are many types of silence. Oppressive silence is unpleasant. It is created, for example, when two persons refuse to talk to each other after a quarrel. Similarly, arrogant silence, which arises when others provoke us, can make us suffer. Noble Silence, on the other hand, can be very powerful and nourishing. It is a silence which is pleasant, peaceful, healing and beautiful. It's a silence that is alive.

 

All of us have the capacity to create Noble Silence. When we eat, sit, walk or wash dishes mindfully in a peaceful and relaxing way, without chatting, we create Noble Silence. Noble Silence is especially felt when everyone appreciate its presence and take effort not to break it. 

 

Noble Silence is about our state of mind. When we are alone and have no one to chat to, it does not necessarily mean that there is Noble Silence. This is because we can have mental chatter in our mind. Conversely, when we are with someone, it does not necessarily mean that Noble Silence cannot arise. If everyone maintain silence in their heart and mind by focusing on breathing in and out in a common activity such as walking, not only will Noble Silence be present, it will also be deeply felt and enjoyed tremendously.

Source: Teachings by Thay at Plum Village in Jul 2009

Habit Energies

We all have habits, good and bad ones. The good ones bring us happiness while the bad ones can make us suffer. When our negative habit energy surfaces, recognize it and focus on breathing in and breathing out.

While we breath in, we tell ourselves, "I know my habit energy is coming. It'll push me to do or say things I'll regret. Hello, Habit Energy, I know you're there. This time, I'll not allow you to take over me. Instead, I'll take over you this time." Then, we smile.

In this way, we do not fight our negative habit energy. By recognizing it, our negative habit energy will loose its strength. Over time, we will be able to transform our negative habit energy. If we do not recognise it, it will push us to say or do things that we will regret.

Source: Q&A session at Plum Village in Jul 2009

Embracing Our Inner Child

Thay showed us how our present desires and fears can be traced to what we had gone through at the time of birth. When we were in our mother's womb, we were very much protected by the soft environment we were in. Hence, there were no worries, fear and desires. The suffering came at the time of birth when we needed to learn to breath for the first time in order to survive. That was also the time when we experienced the first unpleasant feeling: the fear of dying. We felt powerless and helpless. And, we badly needed someone to take care of us.

This original primitive desire and fear continues to be with us as we grow up. Our search for a partner can very well arises from our original desire and fear that we cannot survive without having someone. Similarly, our need to be with people at the pubs, our fear of watching TV alone, our fear of how others think of us, and our fear of not being accepted by others etc, are all a continuation of the same fear experienced at the time of birth. If we look deeply into our present fears and desires, we will realize that every fear and desire is a continuation of the fears and desires from the past.

We need to find ways to get in touch with our inner child, invite it to walk with us, say goodbye to our past and live in the present moment. Instead of ignoring and feeding our painful feelings, we recognize them and the sufferings they bring. By being mindful, we are there for them. We embrace them with tenderness, without being judgemental. The result is a sense of relief and well being, as well as knowing what to do whenever they arise.

Source: Teachings by Thay at Plum Village in Jul 2009

True Happiness

Thay said that it is possible to be happy in the present moment. If we look deeply, we will be able to see that we have enough conditions to be happy. We can celebrate life now. Happiness is in the "here and now".

True happiness comes from inside of us. It is a state of mind. It depends on the way we look at things and the way we respond to situations.

There are many conditions in us and around us that we can be happy about.  We can start with appreciating and valuing what we have.....a pair of eyes to see, a loving family and supportive friends, a job, a safe country to live in etc.

We often cannot recognize them because of the way we look at things and the way we respond to them. If we are stuck with not valuing what we have and instead yearn for fame, power or other better conditions, we will continue to suffer. We will not be able to enjoy the present moment and our well-being will be compromised.

Source: Teachings by Thay at Plum Village in Jul 2009

Sound Basis For Making Decisions

In a recent Dharma talk, Ven Ajahn Brahm shared his insights on how to make choices. In making decisions, how we arrive at the decision is more important than the final decision that is made.

For it to be a sound one, our motivation/decisions should NOT be made out of:

1. Self-interest/attachment

2. Malice/anger

3. Ignorance/stupidity

4. Fear

Making choices do not always involve making decisions to act. Not taking action can also be a decisive life choice. Because life is impermanent and things change on its own accord, things can turn out for the better even when nothing is done to make it happen.

Source: Dharma talk by Ven Ajahn Brahm at Buddhist Lodge on 25 Nov 09

Mindfulness Training

Mindfulness training with Thay has been an enriching experience.

Mindfulness is a source of happiness. It can be generated at any moment, in any place with mindful breathing. It is the energy that keeps us in touch with the wonders of life and brings us happiness. Only then can we help others to have feelings of joy and happiness.

It is possible to eat, drink, walk and even wash dishes with joy. All we have to do is to do these mundane things mindfully by giving our full attention to the task on hand and living in the present moment.

Source: Teachings by Thay at Plum Village in Jul 2009